All That Matters

By Didier Samir

Life speeds by in a car with broken breaks,
and the more I strive for control, the more I see
that chance holds sway, and that death is all around,
the lines of trees roads, the safeguards
and the punctuated glow of approaching headlights

When I was young, I had huge dreams and ambitions,
but now they are replaced with fears.

How did I get here,
at this broken point of numbness?

My dreams are not big if they don’t scare the hell out of me
Does it matter?

Sometimes all I need is a break from everyone –
and everything,
but when I’m by myself,
I feel trapped,
and though the streets may look clean, but I can never walk barefooted.
I wear my scars in pain,
I have been bleeding in my silence.

Tell me who will save me from myself?

When this life is all I know,
I fight pain each and every day.

Tell me how many battles are left?

Because when I weep, tears drop on my doorstep,
and should my faith extinguish,
I’ll live by my own,
and keep wishing that I’m all that matters,
until the well dries

But what will to happen when every shooting star has fallen,
and the sky is empty and quiet?

I want to be seen for who I am,
but I’ve felt like a burden my entire life.
It’s too much and I hate it.

Will I ever be enough?

13 March, 2023