When we talk about self-love, what comes into your mind?
Self-love is something that a person gives to herself. I want to teach others about self-love from my experience so that they will not make the same mistakes that I made. I see people in the community, at school, and even at work, both grown women and young girls, losing confidence and the power to believe in themselves. Many teenagers don’t experience self-love. Young people tend to give up all of their lives just to fit in other people’s shoes and forget about themselves. Instead of wearing what makes them feel like themselves, they see an advertisement in a magazine and imagine wearing leather sandals with braided straps, a wide-brimmed hat, multiple stacked bangles, and a flowing maxi dress with complex paisley prints in tones of burnt orange and teal. The message that this image is the definition of beauty goes to college students. College students want to look alike instead of practising self-love. For all of you who are young and searching for who you want to be, it’s time to stop being unfair to yourself and make decisions that will benefit you in the end.
My journey toward self-love has been possible through embracing my imperfections, practising gratitude, and surrounding myself with supportive and uplifting people. I’ve learned that self-love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about accepting who I am at every stage of my growth. To young people, my advice is to be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and never underestimate the power of treating yourself with kindness and compassion.
First, to practice self-love, think about yourself before anyone else. For example, if you help someone financially in their time of need, you should expect that person to assist you when you have a need. There was a time when I lent a close friend $500 to help cover their unexpected car repair expenses. They were in a tight spot, and I was in a position to assist, so I did so without hesitation. I thought that they would repay me the next time I needed financial assistance. When I applied for a $200 loan months later in response to a similar emergency, I was shocked to hear that they couldn’t afford to assist me. This event made clear how important trust and mutual understanding are to reciprocity, particularly when it comes to money. It served as a reminder that unmet expectations might result in disappointment, and clear communication is crucial to maintaining fairness in such exchanges. I practice self-love by giving enough time to myself. The moral of the story is that I do not loan money to anyone anymore.
It is not only through money that we can invest in ourselves; we can also invest in ourselves with our time and energy. Imagine, I was that person who consistently gave my time and energy to help others by constantly being available for friends, family, or colleagues, often at the expense of my well-being. After a while, I started to notice that I was feeling burnt out, disconnected from my passions, and losing sight of my personal goals. At some point, I decided to shift how I will be doing things and positively building myself: I set clear boundaries, prioritized self-care, and committed time to my growth. I started dedicating mornings to myself, reading, journaling, and working on a personal project I’ve always wanted to pursue. I started personal projects such as mental health games for trauma awareness and taking up activities that nourish my body and mind, such as exercise, cooking healthier meals, and attending therapy sessions. It was a shift from being a people-pleaser to becoming someone who nurtures my own needs and passions first, so I have the energy and resources to support others.
When you engage in activities that enhance your skills and well-being, you often feel more confident and beautiful. Spending energy on yourself is an act of beauty. Nurturing your mental and physical health creates a positive life force that reflects externally. Consider someone who decides to dedicate time to therapy or mindfulness practices like meditation. By addressing their inner struggles, they start feeling more at peace and gain a deeper understanding of themselves. As their mental health improves, they smile more often, carry themselves with grace, and exude calm and positive energy. This inner transformation creates an outward glow that others perceive as beautiful, stemming from their investment in personal growth.
Or imagine taking up yoga to improve your physical health and mental clarity. Over time, you might become more flexible, your posture might improve, and your skin might begin to glow due to reduced stress and increased physical activity. Beyond the external benefits, your self-esteem grows as you master poses you once found challenging. This newfound confidence adds to your overall beauty, reflecting a harmonious balance between inner and outer well-being. These examples show how nurturing oneself holistically leads to a beauty that radiates from within.
Allow yourself to see the beauty and the goodness in yourself. Stop maltreating yourself by trying to fit into other people’s lives. It’s time for you to make that decision for a new change, a new beginning with a new transformation. Write a short letter to yourself and allow yourself to feel better and loved. Writing a letter to yourself enables you to pause and reflect on your thoughts, emotions, goals, and experiences. It helps you evaluate where you are in life versus where you want to be, creating a clearer picture of your current mindset. It can also be therapeutic, helping you process emotions such as stress, anger, or sadness in a constructive way.
Here is a letter that I wrote to myself just yesterday. I have written many letters before, and I know I have many left to write.
To my dear Self,
I want you to know how much I love and care about you. I am sorry for the way I’ve been treating you without respect and causing you so much pain unknowingly without caring how you feel or even noticing what you have been going through because of me. Thank you for being patient and giving me another chance to love you again. I know it has been hard to see how I’ve been giving love to other people and prioritising them more than the way I should have done to you. I want to thank you for the patience, endurance, and forgiveness you kept giving me when I never deserved it. You gave me another chance to see life from a different angle without judging me. You accepted my flaws and my mistakes without looking back. Thank you for erasing all the pains and bruises I’ve caused you, yet you still accept me and show me how to do things differently. I promise to love you, to change, to care for you, and to treat you better always.
Yours faithfully,
Nellycia
