I Spent the Midnights With Painting

By Fareshta

I was in the 9th grade of school when I had a geography exam. I woke up early in the morning while my whole family was sleeping. I lived in a family of eight people in a village far away from the city, and it was almost impossible to find time to study.

I prepared a very simple breakfast. Although I usually ate breakfast with my family, that day I ate it alone. Instead of eating cheese and jam, I put a little butter on bread and drank orange juice.

After breakfast I went into my room and locked the door to prepare myself for tomorrow’s test. I was in the middle of studying my lessons when I heard sounds at the door. My father entered and said, “Put your books down, don’t you know that the guests have arrived, go to the guests quickly!”

I was afraid because I was between two paths, The first path was my father. He didn’t have a proper education and, like the rest of my family, he told me that studying in our country has no meaning and I was studying too much. Yet he expected me to get high grades. What was going on ?

On the other path, I had many dreams. But when I remembered the negative words of my family, I could not control my tears and locked myself in the room out of anger.

On the day our results from the exam arrived, the stress in my body was increasing every moment. The students and teachers were all present in the school and the teachers had prepared the gift of shawls or bouquet of flowers for the students who got high grades.
Before the teachers announced my result, I didn’t feel good. They called my name after my classmate, Mina. By the time they announced my grades I had completely lost my spirit.

I was sad that I couldn’t go to the next class. I came home tired with a broken heart and a troubled face. My father, who was expecting good results, saw that I was sad. I put my grades on the living room table and my father noticed them, but I didn’t say anything and went to my room crying. My father, who didn’t understand me, was saying something wrong about me because he thought I wasn’t as hardworking as he wanted me to be.

It was midnight, the weather was cold and rainy. I got up from my bed and went to sit by the window. I thought about my wishes and dreams for the future. I had a book called The Power Of Women. I read it in my free time because it gave me the strength of thinking. I didn’t dare talk to anyone but myself, and I spent half the night saying powerful words like this:

I can be an artist
I can do everything that I want

I had no choice but to say these sentences to keep myself calm.

I didn’t pay attention to the negative words from my family. I continued with my small successes. Every day when I went out, I bought myself acrylic colors and when I was alone at home I started to paint. I spent the midnights with painting. Through painting, I felt my dreams and I could express my hidden feelings. When painting, I didn’t accept failure.

Though sometimes I felt that my desires and dreams became fainter, I spent my days with a smile because I didn’t want anyone to know about my sadness. I continued my life with painting until I gradually started writing small inspirational texts with my wishes on my notebook.

I continued to give myself hope. After three years of hard work, I entered the university. The first days were a bit strange because the students, teachers and atmosphere were completely new, even though entering the university was one of the dreams I had held in my head since childhood. I chose the field of arts..

On the first day of class, I could feel it: a girl’s strength is more powerful than anything in the world.


3 August, 2023