No one asked her…
On a typical day, as I was sitting at my desk in the consulting room, my secretary knocked on the door and said, “You have a new patient, can she come in?” I nodded my head and I stared at her :”a new victim! what could push her to come here?” I said to myself. When she came into the room she was so worried, after greetings I asked her” how can I help you?” As soon as I finished my words she looked through the window and started speaking, “What if I would have never wanted to be born? Life has never been fair for me, I lost everything that I wanted or I achieved my goals when I did not need them.
What if I was not brave enough to live? Sometimes I think about the last day that I am alive, imagine you have just a few hours and you can say whatever you want to anyone you want without any distress and fear about the coming days, how nice it could be? In contrast, there is something that pushes me to live, like my dreams.
What if I did not want to fall in love with the wrong person? I had a great imagination about love, I thought everything begins with love. When we fell in love, I always thought that how could I live without him in the past but maybe I was not right, missing my feeling about love and about him is not more important than himself!
Why is everything compulsory? Are we not told that human beings are born to live free and have the right to will and choose what they want? Where is the freedom exactly? When could I choose whatever I really want? I just wanted a real love with a peaceful life. Are they too much? These are all questions that sometimes want to make me crazy, but I do not have any answer.”
I looked at her eyes, they were so beautiful and impeccable; like someone who sleeps with dreams and wakes up with dreams, painful and hopeful…
I told her:” No one chooses to be born or to live but all humans are trying to be happy and they want to have a peaceful life. you are not alone, there is a society, a country, a world like you.
“Maybe they did not try too much and they did not fail like me.” She answered.
She continued talking while she was crying:“ My husband was a nervous person, he had never looked at me with a happy face even once but I loved him. Now he has a brilliant life but he made me an obsessed person.” She smiled and said: “Look I am here to get treated, maybe love is not enough.” Crying did not let her continue…
I took her hands and I told her:” you can stand again and you can make a new life for yourself. I know you have experienced many problems and must have been very sad, but this is not the end of the road and the world still has good things for you. Look I want to tell to you an example; consider yourself as a cube and think about a colorful ribbon, these colors are your feelings, for example red is happiness, black is sadness, green is sickness and more, this ribbon must pass through the cube( you) because it is the law of nature, every day we witness different events and different feelings. You, as that cube should try to pass them, not to keep those feelings, let your feelings pass you and they will make you stronger.” I continued ” stand up again, you have no chance to give up, you are so brave, so strong and aspiring. I am not telling all these as your psychologist, but wait a minute!”
She came back and, “look here, this is your real not all those negative thoughts coming from yourself .”
Looking to the mirror under her teeth,
“ Why has no one ever asked me?”
26 March, 2023
