By Doreen Nzeyimana
Shame, by Inked


What if one would understand what is going on inside me,
I look for someone, but there is no one to care,
And cure my pains, my inner injuries.

What if one would understand my feelings,
My feelings! Will one ever touch to cover them?

Where am I?
I have been locked inside a cage, called “home”
Will anyone ever knock on my door?

If I leave my phone on,
Will I ever get a call, or a simple message asking to talk?
I have tried to scream, as loud as my voice would want,
But no one is willing, to give an ear
I want to reveal my secret, to be enveloped by someone.

Does my community even know, about all I am fed up in my life?
A life that’s full of frustrations, exasperation, and irritation.
I have been silent for all my life,
Long period of resistance, decades of resilience.
But enough is enough!
I need a saviour to save me from knife
From a wild butterfly that I have become ,
Point of correction, a monster that they made me

I want is to form the best version of myself,
But all I ended up, is a broken girl with no purpose,
I was sexually molested by my teacher at the age of 8,
My community told me to keep quiet and forget about it,
All to cover the so-called, shame, disrespectfulness, degradation!
To keep up their dignity and honour.

What about the shame I was suffering from?,
The pains, that were itching my skins,
That “shame” that has taken my sleep,
What about my revenge?,
Why should I suppress it?
Why wouldn’t they put my emotions first?
Was it because I was inferior?
Or was it because I was weak?
All I would say it loud is that,
It was forced, I was not asked!
It was a “rape” I was used, like a doll

“I am not going to fight with my spirit anymore!”
I am not going to keep my mouth shut!
No one is counted, as even one to me!
I do not care about anyone!
If they may make me an outcast
Or discriminate and stigmatise me
I am raising my voice
To save myself from all these shame
“I am the hero of my life, no one will listen unless I talk.”

26 January, 2023