The Recurring Pain of a Lover Walking Away

By Akwero Grace

His name was Stanley. He was of average height, dark skin and very handsome. He was wearing a gray suit. His humility and calmness intrigued me. At first sight, I felt some connection towards him and thought to myself that if he approached me, I would definitely have no reason to say no to him. But I was not really in the state of mind of just wanting someone to love just yet.

We met in August 2022, at a thanksgiving prayer and celebration for a friend who was ordained as a priest. I noticed Stanley, but I didn’t know that he also had a crush on me. After the thanksgiving event I went home and continued with my life as usual. We never got a chance to talk to each other, but he was doing a background check on me and fortunately every information he gathered about me impressed him.

At that time, I had just recovered from a painful breakup with Richard who walked away from me without any clear reason not even argument. And before Richard, I dated Daniel who even introduced me to his mama but also walked away from me without any reasonable disagreement or argument. It somehow became a trend, and I couldn’t figure out why men would walk away from me without any clear reason.  But I hoped Stanley would be different.

Days after the thanksgiving event, Stanley gave me a call and requested for my time so that we could have a conversation. He did not reveal his intention to me but I sensed what he was up to but also kept quiet on it. He kept calling me for days and then we planned for a date.

When the date came, I put on my best outfit for the evening, a white sexy blouse and black hot pant with a black high heel shoe. He drove to my house and picked me up and took me to a very nice happening place. Everything went on well and we both had fun. He drove very slowly on our way back home, and as we conversed and in the middle of the conservation, he suddenly asked me to marry him!

I wasn’t really shocked because I somehow had seen that coming, much as I didn’t expect it at that particular time. I didn’t know exactly what to say to him at that time. But then I told him that I didn’t want a boyfriend, I needed a husband and a serious relationship. Then he told me he is not young either and he needed a woman to start a family with and that was exactly what I had always prayed for.

I immediately accepted to be his woman since we had a common interest and I had felt some bit of connection and attraction towards him right from the very first time I set my eyes on him. It was such a beautiful feeling full of excitement and nervousness as well and I enjoyed every bit of it.

That same evening we had our first kiss, but at first I was very nervous and unsure of what to do. But Stanley continued to kiss me, and I began to relax and enjoyed the feeling. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt a rush of excitement and joy.

When we finally pulled away, I felt like I was floating in the air. I had finally experienced a first kiss with Stanley and from that moment on, I knew that I had found something so special with Stanley and I couldn’t wait to see where the relationship would take us.

Everything started really well and I enjoyed every bit of it. We talked on phone everyday for at least three times or more, we video called ourselves everyday, discussed a lot pertaining to our relationship and even agreed to make it official by making our respective families aware of the affair.

We therefore fixed dates to make visits to his family first and thereafter visit my parents too. I was absolutely very excited about everything and I started making all the necessary preparations. But when it was just four days to the date of visiting Stanley’s family, I called him to find out how prepared he was for the visit. He told me he was too busy with work and postponed the visits to an undefined future date. I broke down on hearing that and felt very disappointed. As if that wasn’t enough, he started avoiding me, cutting communication with me, telling me he is very busy with work.

Love is something so amazing, but it can be a source of unbearable misery.  Love was this amazing experience that was brought into my life but always short lived.  I knew the experience of love was never a smooth ride throughout, but I was not prepared for how painful it actually would be.  The tears shed, the anger that filled my entire body with hate, the depression, the anxiety of not hearing from him, the panic attacks that would build from these events almost caused me to give up. I didn’t ever imagine what I got myself into until everything went messy.

I tried to understand him and be patient with him but the situation was getting out of hand. Whatever he was doing in relation to me signaled a red flag and I was so deeply hurt. And we broke up just like that, because he didn’t care about me or whatever I was going through because of him. But I decided to let him be since I couldn’t take anymore, much as I was willing to fix things between us.

I wasn’t ok though, I felt so bad. I felt like that was the most difficult time of my life, The hardest blow that I wouldn’t easily get out of. Everyday I tried to be positive and told myself it’s ok but the pain kept striking so hard with endless tears flowing. My friends and family kept consoling me but the moment I was alone I just couldn’t help but feel a lot of pain in my heart. My heart constantly bled with too much pain because of him, the pain of losing my lover.

I eventually chose to trust in God and believe that everything happens for a reason and I should always look at the positive side of everything. That has kept me back on my feet and am happily moving on with my life.

And to every woman out there, you matter. A broken relationship doesn’t define you who finds your identity in Christ.  And when you choose to let God take you in, you become his child and experience peace and the most amazing love that will help you experience restoration in all aspects.


8 April, 2023