The rude awakening

By Ashley Simango
"The rude awakening" by: Ashley Simango

The rude awakening
And they never really understood it all
What it meant to live with a steel blade in your throat
Trying to rise from the dust, trying to unravel the phoenix within you
But healing?

It wasn’t and still isn’t an action, it probably will never be
Healing is a journey, a journey that Nelson Mandela,
called ”a long walk to freedom”

Healing is feeling euphoric this second,
and feeling like you are ready to throw in the towel the next second
Healing is sleeping because you are not ready to accept,
It comes but snapping right back up
As sadness still follows you in your dreams!
Healing is trying to understand, making excuses for all the wrong people,
Retending the wound doesn’t hurt just to protect the hand that holds the knife.
Healing? More like a rude awakening!
But the idea of an awakening itself doesn’t seem so bad
It means to give life, to awake from sadness and such is healing.
Healing is a roller-coaster of emotions and not all of them are bad
Some actually stand to give a glimpse of hope.
Healing is waking up some day, a day you would have never imagined
Finding your own self convinces your heart and soul
“You deserve happiness!”
It’s realizing you deserve to be happy, but being stuck in an endless maze,
Not knowing where to start, not knowing what to touch first.
A walk in the park? More like a rude awakening.
Healing is seating yourself down, baring your very inner emotions,
Leaving your soul naked and void of all inhibition
letting all the pain break you down
It is allowing your worst fears to consume you fully
Make of you what they want because it’s only after you do that,
“You get your power back!”
In a rush, it all comes down to facing your pain, not running away from it,
Undressing your deepest insecurities, shining them in the light
With a shaky voice and a pulsing heart
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy? It’s nothing less than a rude awakening!
Healing is finally pulling yourself enough to even try to put yourself first,
To realize that every time you wrote about the things you loved the most,
You wrote nothing about yourself
Healing is not crying yourself to sleep after millennia
Getting the very air knocked out of you every time you remembered it all.
Healing is finding your soulmate within you,
Laughing and smiling effortlessly without no pretend
It’s looking at the broken mess you are and smiling
You are at peace with that mess, revisiting all the dark moments
A light mind and not feeling dead.
Look, it’s not a stroll in the park, it’s not easy but this rude awakening?
This is the only awakening you’ll want to tell your grand-kids about!



14 January, 2023